Calling All Twits! I shall follow you! All of you!
I used to manage restaurants. Then I realized that had absolutely nothing to do with what I wanted to do in life. So I decided to put all of my effort into writing. I quit my job, moved to Mexico, wrote a novel, started a blog, moved to Los Angeles, found a calling. That calling? Operation: Yoko No No. Basically on Apr. 13th, 2012 I followed 79 people. She followed 765,000. My goal is to be the following-est person on Twitter. And to free all of Twitter from the iron fist of Yoko.
Ah, okay, I lost interest when you said “found a calling”. Is there something about you that might counteract my current apathy towards you?
That’s not the most professional question (little insulting). Let’s see. I was rejected from 13 MFA programs. That’s an interesting fun fact for some people. You know what they say–If you fail repeatedly at something, quit the thing that you are somewhat successful at and do that thing you failed at a bunch of times. At least I think that’s what they say. Or that’s what I took away from it. I wasn’t listening that hard. Any other questions?
This Operation: Yoko No No thing seems like a tough row to hoe. What else have you failed at?
Well, I once applied for a job as a 4 Seasons valet. I was rejected 3 times—wait a minute. Jesus Christ, I don’t dwell on your failures. And so what? Maybe she was following 10,000 times more people than I was when this began. You know what they say: Rome wasn’t counted before it hatched.
That’s…not how that saying goes at all. {we’ll put that in the failure column as well} Do you have any other talents?
I’m not above tasteful nudity.
I like watching people with limited promise attempt ultimately meaningless goals. Is there somewhere that I can disparage you more often than Tuesday through Friday?
Follow me on Twitter @somethingauthor. I’m a guaranteed follow back what with the whole toppling Yoko Ono and ending her reign as the most following-est person on Twitter thing.
Isn’t there something else in life that would bring you fulfillment?
I could die a happy man if somebody I went to high school with made it into News Of The Weird. And if followed more people than Yoko Ono.
You’re just not going to let this Yoko No No thing go, are you?
No. Or should I say No No. Huh? Huh? Anybody? Amirite?
