The unidentified homeless man was quick to point out that he never lost consciousness.

If I was a real reporter I would jump through some flaming hoops to sound as un-hacky as possible.  There are stories that on their face seem to make this nearly impossible.  Take today’s story of LL Cool J capturing a homeless home invader in his Studio City mansion.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Check the nipple, yo!

And it’s not him licking his lips.  Which song comes to mind? (Sidebar: What if Mark Zuckerberg had a tattoo of a like button?  But all bad ass with snakes and skulls and shit?  Or a better analogy would be a keyboard.  But like a sweet wireless keyboard.  With flames.  He doesn’t by the way)

Obvs we’re all thinking the same thing.  You even have an intro typed up in your head.  It’s okay.  I understand.  I’d do it too.  Thus I am not a professional journalist.

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Second City alum Molly Erdman bookifies her popular blog

*Full Disclosure:  I received a complimentary copy from Penguin in exchange for this review.  Therefore, I am bound by the Rules of Swag to tell you that if you purchase this book, it will fill the deep empty part of your soul that you only talk about after you’ve had a bottle of wine and are chatting anonymously online.

Just kidding.  I just wanted you to know I got free stuff and you didn’t.  The review is my unvarnished opinion.*

I must say I was shocked to get an offer to review something on my website.  Devoted readers (and I love each every one of you cuz there’s only 25 of you which makes it easy to keep track of) probably aren’t that surprised:

Devoted Reader: You have the word ‘Author’ in your title.  Besides don’t you know how this works?  Blog word of mouth for books costs a pittance compared to other forms of advertising and has longer staying power.  And what better place to find readers than book blogs.  This is elementary social media marketing, Himbo.

Me: Wow, Devoted Reader, you know a lot about publishing.  Do you think you can get me an agent?

Devoted Reader: Absolutely not.

So since you won’t help me I’m forced to turn my attention to book reviews.  Here’s my first:

That’s what it would look like placed on a table.

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Mitt Romney Just Like Us; Talks About Books He Hasn't Read

Mitt Romney, the sort of guy who announces something is funny instead of laughing, has been dogged by the perception that he is out of touch.  Probably because he says stuff like “I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.” (The speaker fees he’s referring to were $374,000.)

But Moroni-damnit if Willard isn’t dead set on convincing us that he’s just a regular guy.  And he may have succeeded this week.

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It’s been a rough week for Justin Bieber, the pop star whom Usher left as a gratuity after a particularly sumptuous steak dinner in Atlanta a few years back.  Over the weekend Biebs got a speeding ticket from some “not nice” fuzz after he weaved through traffic at speeds of around 90 to 100 miles per hour.

My first thought was “That lesbian will kill us all!”  Then I remembered I don’t have a car.

My second thought was “If it’s any consolation, Biebbles, you are probably going to live to be a thousand years old. Continue Reading…

If you don’t read the comments sector on SA (and- judging by the subscribers to the comments and the amount of my responses that go unacknowledged-you don’t) you’ll be kicking yourself by the end of this post.  In fact you should just start kicking yourself right now.  That’s right.  In the shins.  Use your heel!

If you did read the comments section of posts I wouldn’t be forced to reprint El Guapo’s comment from last Friday’s post and I could just jump right into the topic of serendipity and the Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy and how one of the more celebrated children’s authors of today once captained a boat full of hashish from St. Croix to New York City.  Since you didn’t, here’s El Guapo’s comment:

Just for shits and giggles, I googled “award winning books in english” and chose the first site on the list, which brought me to the Northport-East Northport Public Library’s page of award winning children’s books. I clicked the first option on that page which took me to the Newbery Medal homepage. From there, I chose the first book on the list which was the 2012 Newbery Award Winner– “Dead End in Norvelt” by Jack Gantos. I think I’m going to buy you this book for your birthday.

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