I bet you didn’t even have to watch the video to figure out where this happened. You started reading the title and before I could get all the way through ‘soc–’ you were like “Florida!”
Thus why you are the bomb. And my favorite reader. (It’s been awhile since I did any shameless pandering so enjoy it, maggots)
So a very secretive man with low self-esteem or under the influence of bath salts ordered a 20 piece chicken McNugget meal. I know he recorded some ‘dead rat soccer’ match’ (where he gave up at least one goal) but let’s focus here people. What sort of debauched savage orders a 20 piece for himself? And the way he says it:
“As I place an order for 20 piece, I see the four employees corner the rat, one of the employees step on it, kill it and they start kicking it across the floor like it’s a soccer ball,
Makes me sick to my stomach! Who says things like that all nonchalantly? “Ayo, homedog, gimme a 20 piece.” Tell me this man’s not on bath salts. Even the guy who was on bath salts (but wasn’t actually on bath salts) wouldn’t eat a 20 piece. That’s why he was eating that guy’s face. C’mon folks, it’s painfully obvious. 20 piece or hobo’s face? It’s no contest.
Anyway, while this guy is probably filling his pockets with dipping sauces, the McDonalds crew keeps their eye on the prize:
“At that point, everyone gets a little angry that I’m doing that. They swept the rat underneath my feet, and then they took the broom and started shouting at me, ‘stop filming’ and put the broom in my face,” the man said.
He didn’t sweep it under your feet. He scored. You said so yourself. They were playing soccer and your tubby diabetes filled secret agent ass can’t make a save. Get your head in the game!
So what does the man who shall be named later do? He’s going to sue. Guy gets scored on and somebody touches him with a broom that may or may not have touched some vermin and now we gotta bring in the lawyers. Oh my god, I saw a rat in a McDonalds! My rights have been violated! My right to not have a spontaneous dead rat soccer match start up when I’m trying to inhale 20 mechanically separated chicken flavored food pucks. It’s the 28th amendment. Right after the right not to be offended.
Sorry, Mister-I’m-super-privacy-guy-but-going-to-contact-a-news-station-because-I’m-not-that-private-and-I-know-a-opportunity-when-I-see-one-and-this-is-a-grand-opportunity-to-acquire-many-McNuggets-so-I’m-going-to-run-with-it-guy: Dead rat soccer matches happen. Maybe if you weren’t so busy eating disgusting amounts of McNuggets you’d know that.
People nowadays. Gah! And hit the gym once in a while, would ya? Rotund motherfucker.