The only reason God is going to forgive you is because it was under the pants. That's the ONLY reason.
Mama said jerk you off!
Sorry, the haze of yesterday’s post is still burning off.
Say it’s 2002 and you are a self-proclaimed “fundamentalist Christian patriot on a mission from God” who doesn’t realize that every goddamn time you say that the only thing anybody thinks of is The Blues Brothers.
Let’s also say that you just can NOT get over how immoral these queers are with their partyin’ and their drinkin’ and their dancin’ and decadin’. Particularly when the queers have a whole festival devoted to decadin’. It’s even called Southern Decadence. Gah!
If you are the Reverend Grant Storms (and you are, just play along), you get out your brooms, a bull-horn, and your cleverest signs and you march right the hell through that depraved scum-hole of heathenism.
“Hey! Maybe next year we should use Madam and Eve, huh? So the lesbians don’t get all uppity?”
And you bring your video camera. Because the good Lord knows there are people putting their fingers in rectums and swinging their penises and vaginas about. And that is unacceptable! Public sex acts, why that’s illegal! For shame, you homos. For shame!