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All Operation Yoko No No centric posts.

It’s Friday, Let’s Dwell On Spooky Sex Stories

September 21, 2012

Time for some sexxay sexing news sex stories.

Oh c’mon, you’re thinking about sex anyway.  Half of you unrepentant self abusers probably just watched or are prepping to watch some porn.  Consider this your masturbatory appetizer.

sex

Maybe so Spiderman.  But you know what else happens to people with interesting lives?  They get arrested.  And as we all know, nobody ever got arrested for masturbating.

Actually I can’t back that up.  Hundreds of thousands of people have been arrested for masturbating and other sordid sexxay crimes.  Let’s learn about them!

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In Currents, Operation Yoko No No
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Porn Sites Resorting To Novel Length Spam To Get You to Pay

September 14, 2012

Adriana gave it her mispelled, repetitive and almost sort of convincing all to hook a paying porn customer.

I periodically scan through my spam email looking for Nigerian scams to troll.  Occasionally…very occasionally a sex spam email catches my attention.  It will allegedly be from somebody who has the name of a friend of mine.  I look at it and go, “Oh Deandra. Why you are emailing me out of the blue?”

I open up the email and read:

watch daddy destroy his daughter’s dirrty little fuck-hole live.

And then I go “Well Deandra, you need to spell check your marketing material if you want consumers to take your incest porn seriously.

And that’s usually about how long the emails are.  Until I came across this email from Adriana with the subject: “were you in town last night hah”

Intrigued by the inexplicable addition of “hah” to the subject line I opened the spam.

It was 954 words long.  (I know because I cut and pasted it into Word and started proof-reading it)

spam email

Click to embiggen

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In Operation Yoko No No, Teh Internetz
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Fantasy Football With Mitt Romney

August 31, 2012

Chat log excerpts from my fantasy football draft with my degenerate friends. And Mitt Romney.

[Draft Will Commence In 5 minutes]

 

Himbokal (Commissioner):  Is everybody logged on?  Hello?

Jizz Dick Cock-Hole: Here

Jizz Light-Year: Yo

Jizzdsay Jizzhan: Here

[Jizz Dripping From Your Anus logged in]

Himbokal: Wait, how many of you have the word “jizz” is your team name?

Jizzasterpiece Theatre:  When you name the league “Boner Fuel”

Jizz Dripping From Your Anus: I’ve never not used jizz in my FF name

Himbokal: I’m pausing this for a minute.  At least 3 of you have to change your name.  Jizz Dick Cock-Hole who r u?  U should change yours.  Doesn’t even make sense.

[Jizz Dick Cock-Hole has logged out]

[0% Of The Black Vote has logged in]

0% Of The Black Vote: Better?

Himbokal: It’s the most truthful name in this whole league.

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In Operation Yoko No No, Sports
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Stupid Youtube Video Features Random Man Channeling Andy Kaufmann

August 24, 2012

Matt Fors wants to fight all women according to a stupid Youtube video featuring Matt Fors.

 

There were over 1.3 billion videos on Youtube as of March 2012.  No doubt that count is well over 1.5 billion today.  Over 60 hours of video is uploaded each minute of every day.  So while you watched 47 for Ted lead singer and pro-dude dude Matt Fors issue his challenge, 2700 minutes of footage was uploaded.

All of it was less stupid than this video.  And yet here we are.

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In Operation Yoko No No, Teh Internetz
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Advice From Himbokal: Word Is Bond

August 17, 2012

A new semi-regular advice column on Something Authorly.

Though I provide wisdom on a weekly basis with this column I think it’s high time I provide an entire column devoted to advice.  So today we will start with a semi-regular column here at Something Authorly called Advice From Himbokal.  Catchy title huh?

badadvicecat

I promise I’ll give better advice than this idiot cat.  This weeks questions are all questions that were searched in Google and led people to this website in the last three months.  I doubt they got the answer they were looking for then.  I kinda doubt they will now.

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In Operation Yoko No No
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How To Make NBC’s Olympics Coverage Worse

August 3, 2012

10 ways for NBC to finish the job and make the Olympics unwatchable.

I love the Olympics.  Love as in I watch closing montages of past Olympics on Youtube and get choked up.  I’ll watch basically any sport (B the W have you seen Trampoline?  Holy balls in a blender) and I’ll usually even sit through the puff pieces without too much grumbling (Oh my fucking god the ravens are the only thing holding the British Empire together!).

NBC is hell-bent on making the Olympics unwatchable though.  Just a few hours ago they managed to cut to commercial as the Japanese women’s soccer team scored a goal.  If they aren’t tape-delaying the everliving fuck out of events they are just plain missing them.

And then there’s the fact that they let the discarded skin from Dick Clark’s ball sack co-host.

nbc olympics

Just come out and admit it NBC, you want this to be the worst Olympics coverage ever.  It’s okay.  I admire the contrarianism.  But if you’re going to make it awful then really go for gold (amirite?).  Just fuck it up six ways from Sunday.  Here, let me help.

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In Operation Yoko No No, Sports
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The Days Of The Week Are Racist Too

July 20, 2012

A line from Wednesday’s Boston Globe article titled Leominster mayor: Police officer uttered racial epithet at Red Sox player Carl Crawford

Crawford said he was signing autographs before his Sea Dogs game when the fan called him a “Monday.” The racial epithet is less well-known. Urban Dictionary defines “Monday” as “Another way of saying [the N-word] without getting caught.”

It took them 7 paragraphs before they got to what the guy actually said which is racist too!

racist

That is the most racist gif I have ever seen.  But not as racist as Urban Dictionary’s descriptions of the days of the week.

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In Operation Yoko No No, Teh Internetz
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