A line from Wednesday’s Boston Globe article titled Leominster mayor: Police officer uttered racial epithet at Red Sox player Carl Crawford
Crawford said he was signing autographs before his Sea Dogs game when the fan called him a “Monday.” The racial epithet is less well-known. Urban Dictionary defines “Monday” as “Another way of saying [the N-word] without getting caught.”
It took them 7 paragraphs before they got to what the guy actually said which is racist too!
That is the most racist gif I have ever seen. But not as racist as Urban Dictionary’s descriptions of the days of the week.
It is sweet irony that they chose that definition to use in an article about getting caught being racist. It’s like defining red Solo cups as “a cup designed to hide public consumption of alcohol.” Which is true but that first thing everyone thinks when they see somebody drinking form a red Solo cup is “That man just lost at beer pong.”
Turns out the whole week is racist.
MONDAY
There are 33 definitions of Monday on Urban Dictionary. Twelve refer to the”code” (though obviously this is no Navajo code) for black people.
One even blames it on Boston:
A word white people use in the place of nigger. Originated in Boston. The reason blacks are called Monday is because “No one likes Mondays”.
It seems to have originated from a pretty funny standup by Russell Peters at Def Comedy Jam of all places.
Verdict: The term Monday is racist.
TUESDAY
There are 35 definitions of Tuesday. There doesn’t seem to be as much consensus on Tuesday as there is on Monday. Seven definitions refer the saying See You Next Tuesday which is pansy code for cunt (C U next Tuesday). If you are going to call somebody a cunt, do it. Embrace the word. Don’t use text speak fuckwit.
Interestingly three of the definitions refer to Tuesday as the day you get a free pass on being gay. I’ll be saving that for a rainy day.
For our purposes we’ll use this definition:
A word to descrobe a latino or a beaner. much like the word monday which is used for blacks.
There is another definition that claims it is similar to “gook” but knowing we have a bunch of the week left, we’ll just stick with Latino for now.
Verdict: Sorta racist. But with potential.
WEDNESDAY
There are 23 definitions of Wednesday in the Urban Dictionary. This one is all over the map. A BJ day. Hump day. Another reference to black people because apparently there’s a lot of sitcoms aimed at black people on Wednesday?
Two of the definitions do refer to Asians though.
A person of asian decent. Much like a monday or tuesday (slng for black people and lations, respectively).
I get the feeling the same person may have done the other two days as well.
And this one:
The day that american fathers rape their japanese sons.
Huh?
I think my favorite one for Wednesday was this one:
Taco and butt love night
night of the week when you have taco’s then but love
A-ha! I knew it!! The old taco night and then suprise! butt love. Or possibly but, love. Either way enjoy those tacos and warm up your 2-hole.
Verdict: It is pretty racist to rape your son just because he’s japanese.
THURSDAY
There are 37 definitions for Thursday in the Urban Dictionary. A lot of this is bloat for some band called Thursday that nobody has ever heard of except people who edit UD.
Though there are the usual sex-related definitions (“you can just chill and not worry about shit smoke some weed fuck a bitch and snort some blow”) there isn’t really anything ethnic, much less racist.
Verdict: Thursday actually might not be racist. But it could turn racist at any moment!
FRIDAY
Unsurprisingly, Friday has the most definitions of any day of the week: 81. Unfortunately about 50 of those refer to Rebecca Black. Another 20 are about the movie Friday. So no help there. I was losing hope until I came across this gem:
A big black hairy dick. Very masculine and thick. Scientists estimate it at around 15 inches. Moreover it canno. Be placed in a mouth without choking the victim to death. Also, only can fit in an extremely loose vagina.
The ol’ loose vagina. Seen only near fifteen inch black penis.
What the fuck?
Verdict: It’s weird as shit but I guess it’s not really racist.
SATURDAY
Only 11 definitions for Saturday (let’s step it up people!) and most of them have to do with hangovers. Two of them do refer to women with loose morals (and loose vaginas?) so I guess if it’s anything it’s sexist.
Verdict: Maybe sexist. Not racist.
SUNDAY
Sunday has 14 definitions which makes sense because there are Ten Commandments. Most of them have to do with either church or football but one has to do with a code word. And it sounds distinctly familiar…
A way of referring to a gay person without them knowing.
Similar to the term monday which refers to a black guy.
Who is this guy? And why can’t he get it together for the rest of the days of the week? Mondays the only one that has any sort of reasoning behind it. And you’ll need days of the week for Whitey and Indians too. And Sunday is bigotry. Though that does make a certain amount of sense what with the churchies not being too keen on the gays.
Verdict: Bigoted? Yes. Racist? No
Overall it appears the week starts out pretty racist (everybody’s grumpy) and gets progressively less so and more focused on sex which I think is a good thing for everybody. We all should focus more on sex and less on race anyway. Speaking of which, Ayo, where all the loose vaginas at?
Have yourself a Saturday and then a Sunday whatever the hell that means.
HT to super fan Fronk for the heads up on the article.
/
__________________________________________________
OPERATION: YOKO NO NO UPDATE- WEEK 14
Yoko is following: 831,765 (unchanged x2)
@SomethingAuthor is following: 1794 (+8)
Weekly Recap: I sometimes wonder if she monitors me. She isn’t following me but maybe she’s aware of Operation Yoko No No? It seems unpossible but every time I make any progress and she slows down, the next week: Boom. Scrillex. She follows 20,000 people in a week. That’s a warning. A signal. I know you’re coming for me, anonymous blogger. And I will destroy the fuck out of thee. At least I like to think of her that way.
Something Authorly Follower Of The Week: @QueenofCouch
Queen of the Couch writes the blog Views From The Couch which if it has done nothing else she had a terrific post telling people who post that goddamn Marilyn Monroe quote (you know the one it is the “I have a Dream” of idiot self-absorbed scatches) to pound salt. Go out and read her blog and follow her and tell her Himbokal sent you. I don’t know why you’d tell her I sent you but they said that shit in the 80′s a lot and it seemed important.
-Please note, Follower Of The Week is chosen by combing through my emails alerting me of new followers and then mercurially picking one. I don’t know these people and they almost certainly don’t condone or endorse anything on this blog. If you win follower of the week and don’t want to be, send me an email and I’ll take it down. To get all the deets on Operation Yoko No No go to the top of the main page or click here.
What?
This must be a new generation of low self-esteem emo racists who don’t understand the whole being-shamelessly-superior bit that’s supposed to go with racism. Someone should write a chicken-soup-for-the-racist-soul book and straighten this out before the whole week is ruined.
Chicken soup for the racist soul. That sounds like a guaranteed money-maker. I’ll scour the internet for inspirational racist stuff and you design the visuals. We’ll make bazillions!