On Friday, April the 13th, in the year of our lord 2012, a small, plucky blog that shall remain nameless took up the fight for a freer and better Twitter. That blog’s name was
Something Authorly and on that fateful evening a mission, nay, a calling! commenced. A mission to ensure that Twitter would grovel at the jack boot of one Twit no more. No more would Twitter cower beneath the iron, nay!, steel, nay!, steel-reinforced-titanium-composite-Kevlar fist of one all powerful Twitterererer. And who was this Twitterererererer-er?
The one called Yoko Ono.
Here she is following DongFluffer_420. And you’re next on her list! She’ll follow you and anyone you’ve ever cared about.
But what can be done, you ask?
Much, my friends, much. Something Authorly has made it our mission to follow more people than Yoko. But we need your help. She’s got a Himalayan head start. When this mission began, she was following roughly 765,500 people and Something Authorly followed 79. But, comrades!, stay strong! We will persevere!
And here’s how*:
I have begun an aggressive campaign of following. But it can’t be done alone. Twitter favors the powerful over the righteous. They limit you to following 2000 people. They say it’s to protect everyone from spammers. But we know it’s because Yoko has people on the inside, consolidating power. And that’s why we must break her!
1.) Use the cause hashtag #OperationYokoNoNo and spread the word. Remember awareness is key. Remember when nobody knew about boobie cancer?
2.)Follow me on Twitter. I know this seems selfish but hear me out. Twitter has a follower to following ratio. If you follow too many people and don’t have enough followers they stop you from following more people. This has Yoko’s fingerprints all over it. In order for me to follow people I need to keep it close to 1:1. Here’s my promise to you: I will follow you if you follow me. I’ll even re-tweet that weird tweet you sent last Wed. around 1:30am where you spelled burrito with a 7. But I need followers so that I can follow as many people as possible.
3.)Retweet #OperationNoNo related stats updates (mostly follower counts). You don’t have retweet my blog posts (that shit bores me just writing it) just #OperationYokoNoNo.
4.)Each Friday at the bottom of that day’s post, I will provide an update of how many people I’m following and how many Yoko is following and the weekly change. Also any pertinent info on the cause and any interactions I have with the Twitter Overlord herself.
5.)I will also feature a “Follower of The Week” and urge readers to follow you. If this plan comes together like it’s 99.89% guaranteed to, then somebody should get a metric butt-load of new followers each week just for following one person.
*Here’s the small print (but in the same size as the other print):
-I am not/won’t ask anybody to block Yoko. We’re not looking to game the system. That’s a Yoko move.
-I won’t follow anybody younger than 18 (if I can tell, I’m not going to spend much more time than checking your bio on Twitter). It just skeeves me out.
-If you want to comment and tell me what a scum-hole I am W/R/T Operation: Yoko No No, please do so on this page so that people have some context. You can say anything you want, I just don’t want it gumming up some other blog post. Some people might have no idea that we are being ground under the heel of Yoko (Twitter-wise, at least) or don’t give a single fuck.
-If you win Follower Of The Week and don’t want to be, send me an email and I’ll choose somebody else. And I won’t embarrass you about choosing not to participate. I won’t even mention it. I’ll just put somebody else up.
Now get out there and help free Twitter of Yoko Ono’s totalitarian following agenda by supporting Something Authorly’s totalitarian following agenda.
If you are on the fence then go look on Youtube for this jam.
(Mummy’s Only Looking For Her Hand In The Snow) – by Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band
And then, join this: