Candy Crowley Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things.
It’s a political chestnut as old as democracy itself and it goes something like this:
“In any debate, the moderator is the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End and the decider of all elections. Always.”
Looking back on history it is is inarguable that moderators have played the biggest role (even biggester than the candidates themselves) in every presidential election since moderator Aaron Burr shot a particularly taciturn Alexander Hamilton for repeatedly going over his time allotment in the 1804 presidential debates. Or in 1948, when Strom Thurmond’s flipped the election to Truman after challenger Thomas Dewey made unflattering comments regarding Strom’s recent sarcophagus purchase.
Thus it should come as no surprise when Romney loses by 20 or 30 points come November 7th. You all saw that shit go down yesterday. Candy Crowley basically crowned Obama’s ass. In light of the moderator’s near electoral omnipotence, Romney should be happy to have escaped with his life.
But luckily there are still brave patriots willing to stand up to jack-booted media thugs like Candy Crowley and fight the good fight. The fight to save us from, well, I’m not even brave enough to say it on my own blog (she decides elections, you think she can’t decide my blog off the teh internetz?) so I’ll leave it to a man whose wisdom, perspicaciousness, and is the stuff of legend:
But she committed an act of journalistic terror or malpractice last night. If there were any journalistic standards, what she did last night would have been the equivalent of blowing up her career like a suicide bomber.
Journa-listic TERROR-ism people. You heard it here second. Or third if you read The Blaze. Or fourth if your homepage is The Drudge Report (like it should be). Either way it’s undeniable that Candy Crowley basically terrorized American viewers with, well, with this:
Mr. Romney: “You said in the Rose Garden the day after the attack, it was an act of terror? It was not a spontaneous demonstration, is that what you’re saying.”
Mr. Obama made no defense. “Please proceed, governor.”
“I want to make sure,” Mr. Romney said. “Get the transcript,” the president said. Then Ms. Crowley jumped in to do her own fact-check, on the spot. “It — it — it — he did in fact, sir. … He did call it an act of terror.”
The truth is, he didn’t. The day after the attack, he said only this: “No acts of terror will ever shake the resolve of this great nation, alter that character or eclipse the light of the values that we stand for.” It took another two weeks before the White House would label the attack an act of terror.
You see? You see what she did? Don’t you see it? You’d have to be blind not to see it! She broke the rules! Typical bleeding heart liberal always trying to help the Negroes at the expense of job creators. It’s tough enough that Romney has to run against All The Media but now he has to go up against the single most powerful force in American politics: the moderator. Candy Crowley probably cost Romney Florida and Ohio right there.
Romney might as well concede the race at this point. He can’t win when the moderator demographic is so stacked against him. I’d say we should regulate the debates to be fair but that’s a classic libtard move: “I just want the gubmint to regulate debates.” [To be sung to the melody of "I'm A Giant Pussy Libtard" or in a pinch "The Pina Colada Song"]
Whatever dummacrat (Hi-Yo!), like election crap is the gubmint’s job. Give it to the private sector. We’ll get the most efficient, greatest, smartest, cheapest but also highest quality moderators our awesomesauce nation has ever known. Not these meddling no-good punks like Candy Crowley. And if you don’t believe that, just Google Candy Crowley and you’ll see the magic of free enterprise at work on the internet:
[Side Note: While surfing around conservative websites I stopped on Breitbart.com, which on the spectrum of conservative news sites tends to fall in the same category as The Blaze (Glenn Beck’s outfit) but with a dash more snark mixed into their fear-mongering. As everyone knows, I like “reality betting” so I put the over/under at 8 comments before somebody made a comment about Candy being fat.
And after a few comments mocking Crawley’s perceived adoration of Barry O, SineWaveII came in with this gem:
reply to imconservative below: Obama: “Sorry honey, I don’t swing that way”
Michelle: “Thanks for the assist Candy, now go eat a salad you obese bitch. You’re disgusting!”
Sorry folks, 8′s a push.