I don’t think anybody can be blamed for getting a bit of dark enjoyment out bad things happening at a Tony Robbins Unleash The Unlimited Power Of The Giant Within Your Teeth Seminar.
You’re smart. Deep down you think “This guy is kinda fucking bullshit”, don’t you? Of course you do. You read this blog.
Tired of athlete’s foot? Combine the power of Tony Robbins thinkspeak hoo-doo and fire to vanquish your foot fungus forever!
And besides, who would defend people getting second and third degree burns at a motivational speakers conference? You’d have to be pretty dumb. Like Yahoo! commenter dumb. At least that’s what I thought as I waded into the 11,016 comments on the Tony Robbinis Foot Burning Spectacular that happened last week in San Francisco.
Prepare to second and third degree burns on your mind. Unleash the Yahoo!
I have learned a number of useful things from Yahoo! comments. I have learned that Mothers have something called a “labrian”. I have learned that most if not all people on the internet are either phaggots or Nazis. I have learned that freak accidents happen because we don’t pray enough. I have learned that crime is pretty much only something black people do. I have learned that there are an infinite variety of ways to spell Obama (Odumba; OBummer; Obuma; ONoma; and one of my favorite O-Boner).
When I see 11,016 comments on a Yahoo! article. I lick my lips. Let’s get our learn on:
PEOPLE HAVE SEEN FOREST GUMP:
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me write this down. Can we just have one guy who’s responsible for this comment on every news story ever? I’ll nominate Me333. You are now responsible for typing this phrase into every single news article on the internet. You’ll probably have to quit your job. But it will all be worth it. Just think of all the people you’ll be freeing up to make comments like this:
Christ on crotch-rocket, it’s maroon. Though this is a Texan and all bets are off. Maybe that’s some inside slur for the I-talians or something. Which makes all the sense in the world.
SPELLING IS AN ART FORM:
Fluhartz, you heard right. Total dipchit.
I do like “prepair” as a word though. Prepair: verb; meaning to place items or people into pairs prior to burning feet or giving people with horse teeth $595 for a two-day seminar.
Hmmm, can’t tell if trolling or really does have pet boa contrictor.
BETTER TO BURN YOUR FEET THAN WATCH A PARADE:
You said it Nancy. I’ve touched a homosexual before and you know what it felt like? A boa contrictor. All scaly and slimy. I was like “No marriage for you!”
LIBERALS LIKE INCEST:
Is this common knowledge and I just missed it? I’ve seen probably 50 comments telling libtards to stop having sex with their mothers (or my favorite “lieking your mothrer’s labian”). Is this a thing? I really hope not. I also hope that Thomas’ cat crawled up on his keyboard at the end of this comment because no one over the age of thirteen gets to use that many exclamation points in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAID OH LORD JESUS IT’S A FYRE!
And nobody got time for cultist voodoo and evil worshiper acts. These people should have just poured a cold pop on their feet and walked with Jesus.
DIANE SAWYER PROVES THESE PEOPLE ARE BREEDTARDS:
Does anyone even know what a breedtard is? I can’t tell if Dahlgren is making fun of straight people or what his angle is here. And his sentence structure is off the charts wacky: “no more than 1 in a trillion other”? That being said, he makes a strong point about Diane Sawyer.
OTHER FUN STATS FROM THE 11,000+ COMMENTS:
-Minimum number of people that spelled “Kool-aid” as “Cool-aid”: 7
-Minimum number of people that made an “agony of da feet” joke: 3
-Minimum number of people that pointed out that hot coals are hot: 13
-Minimum number of people that pointed out “You can’t fix stupid”: 22
-Minimum number of people that cracked a joke about Tony selling foot creme after the seminar: 10
-Minimum number of “sole” puns: 15
Oh Yahoo comments, you always come through. It’s like the world’s hugest, dumbest open mic night. Never change Yahoo. Never change.
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Me333 is undoubtedly a 38 yr old dude who still lives in his parents’ basement. I’m sure he also resembles Comic Book Guy
I hope that Danny B was quoting someone when he wrote ‘”Marone.’”
Thank you for calling it pop.
And finally, it always makes me laugh when the uber-religious bad-mouth [other] cults. The tenets Scientology are no harder to believe than those of Catholicism. The only difference is that they’re newer. They’re all kooks. And if I’ve learned anything about religions, it’s that the Mormons are right. I saw it on South Park.
You, me, and Sweet Brown know it’s called pop. Ain’t nobody got time for soda!
Which side of a homosexual is slimy? Is it the belly or the back? I have touched a few of them before and they were fairly dry… Covered in glitter, but dry nonetheless.
It’s the part where their scales are. Or their rattle. I forget. All I know is the Gaystapo won’t be happy until we’re all slimy.
You might find this amusing. Then again, maybe not. I just thought that with your passion for seeking out rad Yahoo! comments, this would be apropos of that.
http://www.twitlonger.com/show/if2nht
It is apropos of nothing but I did read it the other day. I’d like to use it as a template and just insert whatever hot topic everybody on Yahoo is going nuts about. It would be kind of funny to edit it so that he was arguing for allowing people to walk on hot coals.
Stupid is as stupid does.
-just doing god’s work over here-
Oh right, jesus, I am slacking. Let’s see: You can’t fix stupid, umm, Git er done, and ahh, I don’t care who you are that’s funny and what else?